New Toy

Heather allowed me to go buy some toys on Black Friday. In particular was a pair of Pandigital Novel eReaders. They are nice little machines with color touchscreens and can play music.

What I did not know was that they are moderately functional tablet computers! I can go online wifi, surf, email, etc and it seems I can also download Android apps.

Do I really want to bring Angry Birds into my life?

I spend my lunchtime trying to find what apps work with this machine because...of course...MY machine is not the most robust out there. There is a large Internet community for the earlier versions of this tablet but not so much for the latest.

Anyone know about the Black PanDigital Novel eReader or BPDN as it is called?

New Post Label...Kvetching

In my admittedly limited experience with languages beyond English, I find that few people have as robust a manner of speech as the Jews. Yiddish in particular is blessed with hundreds of profoundly meaningful words that are at once descriptive and fun to say.

Today's word is Kvetch and it's active form, Kvetching.

As I understand the term, to kvetch is more than just complaining, although that is the simplest translation. There is also a deeper tone of soul-wrenching frustration coupled to a sense of the idiocy of others.

For example, not one half hour ago I was moving some product on my forklift. My boss brought it to me and I was approaching the stacked pallets. Suddenly another forktruck zooms between me and the drums, bringing some packaging supplies back to the warehouse. After I shoved my heart back into my chest I took-up the pallets and turned to bring them into that self-same warehouse. Lo and behold, there sat the interloper, parked infront of the very row in which I had been placing my loads. Five minutes he sat there, examining some paperwork. Finally my patience broke and I dropped my stuff next to the intended, alloted space and gently asked him to move his posterior out of the way.

For his complete lack of awareness of the world around him, I offer my co-worker a sincere and heart-felt KVETCH.

The Horror of Growing Old

I realized something rather profound this morning. There is a reason why women hate aging so much; why men like younger women; and at who's doorstep the fault lies.

By nature (whether you ascribe that to evolution or God) women mature both physically and mentally faster than men. This is an undisputed fact. As such we find in the early teens that 12-14 year old girls are very interested in the 14-18 year old boys. They desire the more developed bodies and greater mental range.

Very few of us are able to compete with the taller, stronger guys. As a result, the peer boys are left "out in the cold" in regards to social combat. And despite what women the world over may think, guys do learn. As the awkward teen years give way to young manhood we are still several years behind our female counterparts. Their needs are different from ours. Thus we will long for the older or peer female as physically more attractive but gravitate to the younger girls who are available and craving our attention. This situation has existed forever and probably will continue to do so.

But here's the rub: During those 3-4 years of angst-ridden, hormone-flooded loneliness, the boy has modified his expectations. Older and peer women have rebuffed us, sometimes cruelly, for our immaturity. We begin to think of younger as more beautiful and valuable out of a sense of self-preservation. This lesson stays with us our entire lives.

Fast-forward to the prime mating years and you will continue to see younger women with older men. This is unnecessary since (for the most part) guys reach parity of maturity with women in their early to mid-twenties. To see a 24 year old woman dating a 30 year old guy is merely an artifact of the disparity seen in the adolescent years.

But what about the girls during that time? The same mechanism leads the female to develop father fixations. If they have had a good dad then he becomes the archetype of what a man should be. If he is bad then the girl will often chase that same type of fool in a desperate attempt to win his love; proving her worth and thus "save" her father. The psychological implications are complex. In the end though, it results also in the older man / younger woman scenario.

Now back to the twenties. If either party in a relationship has not grown past their initial assumptions regarding an appropriate mate, even worse if neither have, then the age difference can increase to the absurd.

Add another 15 years and trouble ensues. 40-something men begin to see receding hair, achy joints, a spare tire and they start looking Mortality in the face. A thin veneer of experience has helped them enjoy a deep love for their 35 year old wife, but lurking ever just under the surface is that early life lesson that "younger is beautiful, more exciting and safer". Too many men suddenly give up all to try and recapture their youth with a fast car and new girlfriend, often half his age.

And what of that older wife? She has finally reached the age where she feels comfortable in her skin. Her body has now reached the full potential of womanhood. Her husband is just now beginning to resemble that half-imagined greatness of her father. At this very moment is when everything falls apart. His betrayals (great or small) undermine the new-found confidence. She sees younger women (and is bombarded by pop culture) to recognize that she is no longer the ideal figure of femininity. Self-doubt grows. Within a few short years the natural effects of aging set-in. Yet her desire is still to her husband who grows ever more debonair and distinguished. She on the other hand is wrinkled, puffy, sagging and ever more bitter.

So who's fault is this? Mother Nature? God? No! It is the fault of every young girl who dismisses a classmate's invitation to a movie with a contemptuous laugh. It is the fault of every parent who didn't teach their daughter kindness and understanding. Blame attaches itself to the boy who, in the face of sarcasm, does not lift his head up and remember that he is a good and valuable person. His parents share the burden for not helping him to understand why these things are happening.

In the end, it is all of our faults, for not having enough love, careing, understanding, patience and kindness to those we know. And especially to those we don't.

Please, if I am unkind to anyone who reads this, help me to remember that harm I may cause and avoid it. I want to be good to others.

God has a Sense of Humor...I Hope

My family and I religious people. We go to church every Sunday and try to do right by others. This includes teaching our kids to love God; live an honorable life; and to pray daily.

Kenneth, the four-year-old, is learning the habit, even if he doesn't quite understand the principle. Thus ensues the hilarity. In the past few months he has prayed for: a big giant table, snow in Bakersfield, a giant-chocolate-Kenneth-filled-with-marshmallow, and a baby sister-another baby sister-and a baby brother.

Now Heather and I would love to have another child but at 43 and 41 respectively the clock is ticking loudly. I doubt if we have three more in us. Unless ofcourse the Lord decides to give us triplets (Oh please no!!!).

While this is all mildly amusing, the reason I hope God has a sense of humor is that Kenneth has been asked to give a prayer during the children's Sunday School program next week.

In my mind's eye there appears a prim and serious Kiff, ready to do his best at addressing God for and in behalf of the assembled kids. He rises to the podium, folds his arms and bows his little head. After opening with heartfelt appreciation for giving us a good day he launches into all the various things he would like. He includes the Holy Ghost that all present will be able to learn of the Gospel; he invokes a blessing upon the teachers to do well; and then beseeches the Omnipotent One to help mommy and Daddy stop talking long enough to make him a baby sister and another baby sister and a baby brother. The invocation closes in the Divine name...amen. The resultant silence will ride atop the low rumble of laughter bouncing from one adult to another.

I foresee this awkward moment and THERE IS NOTHING I CAN DO ABOUT IT!

I hope God has a sense of humor.

Oy, Tevye

"Dear God, you made many, many poor people.

I realize, of course, that it's no shame to be poor.
But it's no great honor either!
So, what would have been so terrible if I had a small fortune?"

I love Tevye. I’m not ashamed to admit it. Even as a young boy I felt an instant connection to the poor Milkman of Anatevka. He, struggling to provide for his family amidst the strife and poverty of feudal Russia; his wife, Golda, always on the prowl to make a “good match” for their five daughters; and the girls, just on the cusp of womanhood; each facing challenges they never imagined.

And like that “Fiddler on the Roof”, Tevye is forever swaying back and forth between his innate wisdom, the desire to bring joy to his daughter’s lives and the overarching traditions which have preserved his people for millennia.

The movie (and I presume the play) has a fine comedic interlude with the song If I Were a Rich Man. Tevye begins by fantasizing about all the things he would do with his small fortune and inexorably progresses to one of his heart’s fondest dreams, to have the time with which to improve his knowledge of the Torah and discuss it with the learned men. Our hero is deeply devoted to God in a way that allows him to talk to the Supreme Being as if to a friend. And is that not a beautiful relationship to have?

In the cinematic version, his song ends by asking God in a powerful and searching plea, “Would it spoil some vast eternal plan if I were a wealthy man?” My answer to him is, “Yes Tevye. Being who you are right now, it most certainly would spoil at least a small part of that vast Eternal plan.” Let us examine his words carefully and see why.

If I were a rich man,
Ya ha deedle deedle, bubba bubba deedle deedle dum.
All day long I'd biddy biddy bum.

If I were a wealthy man.

I wouldn't have to work hard.
Ya ha deedle deedle, bubba bubba deedle deedle dum.
If I were a biddy biddy rich,
Yidle-diddle-didle-didle man.

I cannot say where, and perhaps my Jewish friends could help me, but somewhere I came to understand that the words biddy biddy bum are a reference to prayer in general or a specific type of prayer. I will work off of that premise.

So Tevye, if you were rich you would pray all day long? Prayer is a wonderful thing but don’t you pray all day already? Talking to God and discussing the issues of the day? And did not God place us here to work? Was not one of His first commands to Adam, one never revoked, to take command and stewardship of the earth and work it? Was not the “curse” placed upon Adam that, “by the sweat of your face shalt thou eat bread”?

Though I am sure you did not mean it, to think that God would smile upon you for trying to avoid His word through your wealth is dangerous at best.

I'd build a big tall house with rooms by the dozen,
Right in the middle of the town.
A fine tin roof with real wooden floors below.
There would be one long staircase just going up,
And one even longer coming down,
And one more leading nowhere, just for show.

Tevye my friend, you have big dreams. “A big tall house with rooms by the dozen”? Do you really need that? True you have five daughters and each could use their own room and another private space beside. Then dining and storage rooms; a sitting room; library; closets; workshops…but even with all that I can only see 20 rooms at best. Yea, that’s almost two dozen but it isn’t “by the dozen”. You are a good, honest, hard-working man who understands the evil of waste. Would you really want to start wasting money and space for a house that is so far beyond your needs? Unless…

I'd fill my yard with chicks and turkeys and geese and ducks
For the town to see and hear.
And each loud "cheep" and "swaqwk" and "honk" and "quack"
Would land like a trumpet on the ear,
As if to say "Here lives a wealthy man."

Oy veh Tevye! I am astounded and perplexed that you, of all people, would be so afflicted with the sin of Pride. Would you do all this just for the benefit of gaining the envy of the townsfolk? Aren’t you respected and honored by your friends already?  Would you rather be hated than loved? The people will rather mark you for your raised nose than anything. They will no longer wish you “Good Sabbath” for the joy in their hearts at your appearance but they will say the words for fear of what you could do to them or to gain favor in pursuit of their own ends. It plants a tiny but hateful lie in the ear, and in the guise of a blessing, thus doubly cursed.

If I were a rich man,
Ya ha deedle deedle, bubba bubba deedle deedle dum.
All day long I'd biddy biddy bum.
If I were a wealthy man.
I wouldn't have to work hard.
Ya ha deedle deedle, bubba bubba deedle deedle dum.
If I were a biddy biddy rich,
Yidle-diddle-didle-didle man.

I see my wife, my Golde, looking like a rich man's wife
With a proper double-chin.
Supervising meals to her heart's delight.
I see her putting on airs and strutting like a peacock.
Oy, what a happy mood she's in.
Screaming at the servants, day and night.

Oh now this is too much. Golda is a headstrong woman who wishes to have her hand in every decision. If you came into money and she had the freedom to give rein to her tendencies, she would become an angry, haughty and domineering shrew! Is that the fate you desire for her? God forbid it! To become like Lazar Wolf’s first wife Fruma-Sarah? Oh but she was a bitter woman! Golda of all people needs the heavy restraining hand of poverty to keep her humble. Would it please God for Golda to be screaming at the servants day and night as you say? Would their lives be any happier then than yours is now? Would the wealth make you and your family better people? Repent of your fantasies Tevye, for Golda’s sake.

The most important men in town would come to fawn on me!
They would ask me to advise them,
Like a Solomon the Wise.
"If you please, Reb Tevye..."
"Pardon me, Reb Tevye..."
Posing problems that would cross a rabbi's eyes!
And it won't make one bit of difference if i answer right or wrong.
When you're rich, they think you really know!

And so we see the dangers of pride. How easily it creeps into our hearts and twists the good man’s soul. From a poor but honest man my hero Tevye has become callous and cold toward those who trust him the most. “…it won’t make one bit of difference if I answer right or wrong”? Really? People are coming to you for advice just as they would the Rabbi and it makes no difference to you whether your advice is good or not? What if they lose their livelihood? Their family? Their life? No Tevye, the giving of advice is a dangerous matter and one not to be entered into lightly. The tongue should be guarded at all times lest we lead our neighbor into temptation. How many friendships have been ruined by the ill-considered word? Put away this arrogance lest you follow that arch mocker Ha-Satan.

If I were rich, I'd have the time that I lack
To sit in the synagogue and pray.
And maybe have a seat by the Eastern wall.
And I'd discuss the holy books with the learned men, several hours every day.
That would be the sweetest thing of all.

Now at last we find the truth of your heart. My brother Tevye wishes most to learn. As the Mishnah says, "Whoever has no regard for the honor of his creator is worthy of not having come into the world." Of that Maimonides explains "the honor of his creator"…"This means whoever has no regard for his intellect, for the intellect is the glory of God.”

Yes, it would be sweet to spend much of the day studying the holy books. How thrilling it would be to peer into the minds of the most learned Rabbis of all time. If a rich man, and one with much time on his hands, then at least be a wise one who is pious before God and free of his substance toward those in need. Only then would riches be of any real use to you.

God would have us be good, loving, kind, generous, honorable, helpful, always striving to do better, eschewing evil, shunning temptations. The Christians say that it is harder for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter Heaven. Why take those burdens upon yourself Tevye, when today you are good and wise, yearning for that God who created you.

If I were a rich man,
Ya ha deedle deedle, bubba bubba deedle deedle dum.
All day long I'd biddy biddy bum.
If I were a wealthy man.
I wouldn't have to work hard.
Ya ha deedle deedle, bubba bubba deedle deedle dum.
If I were a biddy biddy rich,
Yidle-diddle-didle-didle man.

What the...?

Okay, I just have to know. What is the deal with Haunted Mansion- Tale of the Crowned Guest? Over ten percent of my blog hits are for this one story. That is saying something considering that there are over 130 postings.

For my German guests it is an even higher percentage. I believe fully 3/4 of the visitors from Deutschland have read that post.

I think it is pretty good but, could someone PLEASE give me some feedback. Unless of course the allure is for the "Worst Story Ever Told" competition. If that is the case you can keep your snide remarks to yourself ya rotten jerks.

Ta

Brian

The Terrible Questions...Intro

Have you ever asked yourself the Terrible Questions? I am sure you have. Almost every person who has ever lived on this earth has, in a moment of introspection, wondered, "Why am I here; Does God exist; What happens after I die; and Why is there evil in the world?"

Philosophers from the earliest times have wrestled with these foundational aspects of the Human Existence and found a wide array of answers from the classic Greek despondency (which led irresistibly to the Tragedies of their theater) to the utterly nihilistic Marxian belief that Man exists for the sole purpose of increasing his own power at the expense of all others.

In greatest humility I wish to put forth my thoughts on these questions, standing on the shoulders of the mighty, learned and inspired, so that perhaps I might bring peace and comfort to the minds of those who are troubled by this great adventure we call Life.

Be aware, I am unabashedly a Christian and after discussing the most basic question, "Is there a God?", everything I say thereafter will proceed from that viewpoint.

So, let us take a journey together and see if we can find some meaning to the pitiful few moments we endure on this seemingly God-forsaken rock.