Ramblin...2

There comes a moment in most men's lives when they have to face head-on the terrors of middle-age. I have neither lost my hair nor begun to have issues with my...uh...that thing that is supposed to stick in your head and bring back ideas that you've had but are not foremost...memory! Yea, that's it. I'm not losing my memory or anything of that sort.

What I have done is pick up a huge spare tire. Just a couple months ago I had to shop at the Big and Tall store for a pair of dress pants. 44" waist by 34" leg. They just don't offer that size material outside of Abdul's Tent Shop.

It really is quite pathetic. Like Fat B****** from the Austin Powers movie, I can't see past my belly button. Putting on shoes requires me to hold in enough breath to qualify me as a pearl diver in Okinawa!

My kids pat me on the tummy and say, "Rub da' Buddah Belly for luck". Yesterday I bounced off the doorway going into the kitchen and the rebounding fat threw me so far off balance that I bounced down the hallway and into the bathroom where I lay jiggling for several minutes.

I had to install a monster truck tire on the left front of my car just to keep the frame from scrapeing as I drive.  When I lay on the couch with some snacks I don't have my own table so much as my own buffet!

So what am I going to do about it? I could go back to my Kung Fu class and get some real exercise. But that would mean buying a size 12 gi, which again I would have to go see Abdul about. Not to mention the endless mockery of my close and well-meaning friends. Usually

No, in the time honored way of most people who set out to lose some weight, I tossed my cookies. And my candy, cakes, ice cream, chips, sodas and...p...p...pizza. Waaaaaahhhhhhh!!!!!

The family went to Costco last night for shopping and dinner. While they all gorged on that delectible greasy pizza pie, I ate a caeser salad without dressing. I HATE ALL OF THEM.

Today at work I emptied my snack drawer and was amazed at the varitey of sugared goodness I had accumulated. Peanutbutter cups and rice crispy treats being the drug de jour.

So if you find I am being exceptionally rude, short tempered, manic, listless, frantic, lost or any other character trait that is not normally in my sweet and kind disposition, then just know I am trying to better my health. And if I have to suffer, then so do all of you.