Breathing heavily, almost bestially, Ginni dropped the blade and rose off of David’s body. He sprung open like a coiled spring and crawled over to inspect his neck in the mirror.
Mark glanced at her in shock and disapproval. “My office“, he muttered. Then called out, “You guys keep going. David, you okay?”
“I’m fine”, he nodded with just a bit of resentment in his eyes toward Ginni.
Without a word she followed her teacher into the small closet that served as his private sanctuary.
“…the Hell was that all about?” he said calmly after the door had clicked shut.
“I…I don’t know”, she stammered and pulled her gi top close. The fury which had possessed her seemed to melt away like a fog. She had been unable to think about what she was doing. Her consciousness bellowing, ‘Hurt, suffer, KILL!!’ “When David tore my shirt I just sorta lost it. It was a little like…”
“Like when he took it too far?” Mark asked kindly. Last year, as she was moving closer to that coveted Black Belt, Ginni had told her Master about the rape. She’d faced a roadblock in her progression and Mark helped her come to terms with the hidden rage which threatened to burn her up from the inside. No one else knew, or would ever know as far as Ginni was concerned. She turned away from him and pretended to examine a calendar in the wall.
“Yea”, she replied sadly. “I am so sorry.”
“You’ll have a chance to talk to David in a minute. He’s a good guy and won’t hold it against you. Off the mat anyway. What I want to talk about is your inner balance.”
Her eyes flashed momentarily. “Mark, I just can’t understand what happened. I thought I had this under control.”
“So did I”, he murmured. “You have all the skills of a 3rd or 4th degree. We both know that. But having the moves is nothing compared to the inner growth. We’ve talked about this a dozen times. So long as you let others see your fears, your doubts,” his voice raised a little, “So long as you are a reactive fighter rather than a proactive one, you will not get any better. You know exactly what I am talking about.”
Her head bowed, because she did know.
Good fighters will read their enemy’s body and know what attack is coming. This makes it far easier to react and block the strike. Great fighters will position themselves to force their opponent into using a specific attack. They can see what weapon a man favors and what he does not. Recognize his fear to use against him or his pride or anger. Great fighters don’t have to react to anything because they are scripting the entire fight in their minds before it happens.
Ginni had learned this as a green belt when a visiting Master gave a demonstration on the concept. He told everyone in the room (with her ears muffled) exactly what he was going to make her do. She went after him with a series of five seemingly random blows. None landed and each was precisely what he had predicted. It was something she could force others to do but had not been able to defend against.
“Has anything changed recently? Met a guy perhaps?”
The faintest shadow of a smile creased the corner of her mouth.
The mood of the room changed from Master and disciple to that of a guy and his baby sister.
“Maybe”, she teased and toyed with the blue charm that Simon had given her.
“Ginni, you fought well beyond your skill just now. Something is different. I want you to go home and think about how you were feeling. What’s in your head. We’ll talk some more next week.”
“Thanks Mark.” She felt overwhelmingly grateful toward her instructor. He was kind and wise. But most of all, he knew when to pry and when to let things alone.
“Hey Ginni. You seen Harvey recently? He hasn’t been at the Starbucks downtown like usual.”
“No Mark. I haven’t seen him since that day I freaked out. If you see him, tell him I’m sorry. I know he wasn’t trying anything.”
“Sure kid. Now go home.”
Ginni moved quickly out of the office and towards the door. David met her at the edge of the mat.”
“Hey Virginia, I’m sorry about the shirt.”
Amazed that he was apologizing to her after she had almost slit his gizzard, she mumbled a hurried, “…nothing of it”, and blushed crimson. She grabbed her bag and ran out the door.
Normally not one to engage in gossip, she listened voraciously to all the latest dirt from anyone who would talk. She made nonsensical motions in the student government meetings such as opening a zoo on-campus or forcing cappuccino machines into every dorm room. She even filed a complaint against the He-Man-Woman-Haters for ejecting her from a meeting after she began to psychoanalyze Curley’s speech impediment in light of current international economic conflict. Simon was perplexed and more than a little hurt that his girlfriend wasn’t turning to him, or anyone else, for help.
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